So one of my boys kept lifting up the skirt of one of my girls to see their knickers. An excellent opportunity to talk about godly sexuality with them I thought…
So true to form I followed the principles I give in my workshop and talked about the goodness and the holiness of sexuality with them. How it’s a good and beautiful part of a lady made by God but it’s also a special part and so we need to treat it with honour.
However he kept on doing it, despite talking about its specialness and despite disciplining him for repeatedly doing it.
I know, I know, I should have called out to God for help sooner – but sometimes we have to get desperate before we find ourselves on our knees actually listening – but He’s so gracious that when I did he gave me the wisdom I needed:
“Speak to the desires of the heart”
You see the trouble was that I was saying all the right things but I was talking to his logical mind rather than his desires. And if we want to see change then we need to address the desires:
If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea. (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
But the question is: how do we address desires in a godly way? In the same way as we teach any other aspect of godly sexuality; we talk about the goodness and the holiness of our desires.
You see God made him a boy and so there is a godly fascination and yearning in him for to complete the whole image of God:
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mt 19:4-6 emphasis mine)
The holiness is the fact that this fulfillment occurs in a covenantal relationship and this yearning is a shadow of our yearning for Christ (Eph 5:32) who is the “desire of all nations” (Hag 2:7).
Since he was only about 5 at the time, I had to keep things a bit simple, so I began:
“There’s something really interesting about girls, isn’t there?” He nodded. “God made girls attractive to us so that we really want to find out more.” I could see that I now had his full attention.
“And that means that there’s something in us that wants to see their knickers.”
“But God made seeing a girl’s knickers to be something special for marriage just like you only get presents on special days like Christmas.”
Now it’s tempting to stop here, but doing so means that we are expecting them to conquer desires by self-effort which is law not grace. So now we need to offer to pray for them:
“But in the same way it’s hard to not open presents until Christmas day, it’s hard to stop looking at knickers. So we need Daddy God’s help. Can I pray with you?”
He nodded and the rest is history.
You see affirming the goodness of our children’s desires speaks to their reality, only then can we begin to steer these desires towards their intended goal.
